i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
