i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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