seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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