Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
