Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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