i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
