She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Semen is not good for contacts.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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