maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
