just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
