i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
