i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
