Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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