you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
