guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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