i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
