This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
