"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
