I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
