bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
