I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
