Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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