Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
