tell your sister to shave her snatch
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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