I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
