All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
