worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
