1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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