My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
