i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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