Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
