i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
