No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
