Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
