I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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