i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Terrible idea I love it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
