dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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