I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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