Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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