It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
