The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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