She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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