It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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