I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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