WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
