Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
