Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
