did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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