just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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