I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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