Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
