even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
