after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Boobs speak an international language.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
