What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
