The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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